Art Black (lederhosen) wrote in roleplayers,
Art Black

Mission Accomplished

So, my wife reynardo has been running a D&D game for about three years now. In that time we've undertaken a lot of quests, and I thought I'd look through the game archives and see how well we did...

Mission: Investigate old abandoned manor.
Outcome: Cleared all rooms, killed bad things, retrieved loot. Mission accomplished! (Much of loot spent on healing the rogue who missed a poison needle, and curing disease caught from giant leeches, but for a brief shiny moment it was ours.)

Mission: Defend farmers against ankheg infestation.
Outcome: Decided ankhegs were a bit too tough for us at first level, would come back later when feeling a bit braver. Massive invasion of evil rendered this moot before we could get back to it.

Mission: Trapped in Maze of Death (TM), must find way out.
Outcome: Killed a gelatinous cube and befriended several kobolds, couldn't find exit (except one that involved plummeting a long way into a subterranean river). Returned to entrance of Maze of Death, broke the door down and left the way we'd come in. Technical victory.

Mission: Drive monsters out of abandoned gold mine, recover gold.
Outcome: Got our arses kicked by were-otters. Three party members knocked unconscious, yours truly ran away then snuck back later to rescue the unconscious PCs. We never did finish that one.

Mission: Drive orc bandits away from farm.
Outcome: Success! Orcs killed, captured message on upcoming attack on township of Targelon Pass, earned reward.

Mission: Get the rogue cured of were-otterdom.
Outcome: Eventually. Spent all reward money from previous quest and then some on unsuccessful attempts to cure him (success required rolling a natural 20), had to go off adventuring to get more money, then smuggle him back into the city by means that involved putting him in a sack that had held rotten vegetables and beating with a stick to make him shapechange.

Mission: Head back to capital (Delros) to get reinforcements for Targelon Pass against coming attack.
Outcome: Attacked en route by werewolves. Captured werewolf, attempted to interrogate by mixture of torture and plying with alcohol, succeeded only by adding "choked on own vomit" to list of ways werewolves can be killed. Arrived in Delros, delivered message about upcoming bandit attack about five minutes before another traveller delivered message about successful bandit attack.

Mission: Escort merchants to Nepla for payment.
Outcome: Merchants parted company without paying, after rogue flipped out and turned into an otter, panicking them.

Mission: Save traveller from freezing in snow.
Outcome: Traveller saved, only to die fiery death some days later instead.

Mission: Protect an ex-Dark Druid fugitive from their fearful vengeance.
Outcome: Initially bluffed way past D.D.s, then attacked at night (death of abovementioned traveller). Dark Druids capture rogue and fugitive.

Mission: Rescue rogue and fugitive from Dark Druid sacrificial ceremony.
Outcome: Fugitive tied to altar, we were waiting for a dramatic moment - i.e. head druid raising his sacrificial knife - before launching a surprise attack. Instead, he reached into fugitive's chest with his other hand and pulled his heart out. Bummer. Saved the rogue, though. "They are called the Dark Druids, because they dabble in darkness and evil. We are called the Druids of the Light, because we set people alight."

Mission: Redeem help at inn, who comes up to warn us that the innkeeper wants him to murder us.
Outcome: Help sent back downstairs to pretend everything is normal, stabbed to death by innkeeper. Died in a good cause, therefore redeemed. Technical victory. And we later get him raised from the dead for a relatively low price.

Mission: Retrieve gold stolen from town hall in exchange for 10% of what we salvage.
Outcome: Quite a bit, if not all, of the gold retrieved. The party's new paladin threatens a prisoner with torture, setting the precedent for all sorts of other paladinly stupidity that readers of bad_rpers_suck will have seen already.

Mission: Obtain dire wolverine animal companion.
Outcome: Eventually, after traipsing all around the country, pulling a swift one on some witches, and being stuck on Dinosaur Island for a while.

Mission: Track down head of Dark Druids and destroy him.
Outcome: I think about it, we never *did* complete that one. Just got distracted, I guess.

Mission: Rescue clan of hillbilly dwarves from enslaving ogres & mind flayers.
Outcome: Killed ogres and mind flayers, but by that stage no dwarves left to speak of. Also, accidentally married a dwarf due to ignorance of local customs. Marriage lasted less than a day before dwarf died, but have never heard the end of it.

Mission: To aid in finding dire wolverine companion, obtain help of "you only get one question" style oracle.
Outcome: Neil the paladin asks oracle "So, we only get one question, right?" and yes, we did, and yes, that was it.

Mission: Retrieve magical orb from hydra.
Outcome: Success!

Mission: Provide protective escort for travellers through dangerous territory.
Outcome: Two children killed, reincarnated as wolf and dryad attached to tree in middle of nowhere respectively. Paladin jokes about this to their parents.

Mission: Don't step in the Circle of Death.
Outcome: Party's sorcerer stepped in the Circle of Death. Fortunately, turned out to be a teleport-to-danger thingy rather than actual death.

Mission: Obtain moon-ivy armour.
Outcome: Much to-ing and fro-ing. Cuttings obtained, planted in parents' back yard. Garden becomes hostile and kills several passers-by, but this wasn't the ivy's fault, honest. Eventually managed it, with much difficulty.

Mission: Negotiate with an emissary from Senwith, our recurring nemesis, under a flag of truce.
Outcome: Neil lops off her arm.

Mission: Investigate hostile antimagic field that has suddenly appeared around the town of Nepla.
Outcome: Field apparently emanating from High Mage's basement. While investigating her basement, rogue attempted a spot of casual burglary and lost several fingers, before touching the orb creating the antimagic (placed there by a hostile mage) and triggering an explosion. Entire party is barred from Nepla.

Mission: Investigate creepy jungle temple.
Outcome: Temple partially investigated, doors swing closed and lock as a devourer attacks; yours truly, shapeshifted into a huge rhino, decides to make a new exit, and accidentally takes out a load-bearing wall. Everybody escapes, but temple collapses, preventing further investigation/looting.

Mission: Rescue captive party member from BOTHO, a collective of half-orc ex-slaves who had taken over the eastern side of the country.
Outcome: Several PCs go to investigate a BOTHO guard post, accept drugged drinks, lose their equipment (teleported back to BOTHO-run town); one of them jumps in the teleport after her stuff, before the rest of us salvage what we can from the guard post. In an ambush, a third party member is captured. Cunning rescue plans fall by the wayside in favour of a running battle in which most of a town is levelled. Paladin killed, but we rescued two of the three prisoners before the ogres could kill them. (Sadly, their stuff had already been passed on, and we never did recover it.) Peace negotiated with the remainder of the town.

Mission (party cleric): Act as Neil's moral compass, guide him in the ways of law and good and paladinly honour.
Outcome: Cleric eventually changes religion to get away from Neil.

Mission: Protect city of Delros from various threats motivated by ancient evil artifacts.
Outcome: Threats defeated, more or less (see sub-quests below), but not before we triggered a Massive Subterranean Explosion that mixed the city's drinking water supply with its sewer system; by the time we finished protecting it, most of the populace had fled. Also, one of our party members had murdered the mayor.

Mission: Defend peaceful desmodu (subterranean bat-people) from vampires and drow.
Outcome: Vampire and drow threats neutralised; desmodu caverns inadvertently flooded.

Mission: Kill drow living under Delros.
Outcome: Accidentally negotiate peaceful settlement instead. (These drow aren't very evil, but my PC is an elf and would much rather have killed them.) Drow agree to leave the caverns under Delros, if we will give our word to go with one of their warriors and rescue their children who have been captured by evil forces further down. Drow leave, through city streets, and inevitable running battle with townsfolk breaks out, many dead on both sides.

Mission: Rescue drow children.
Outcome: We reached the prisoners; while the rest of us were otherwise occupied, the paladin's riding bat (borrowed from the desmodu) ate several of them, since it had been trained to attack Drow. Not sure what happened to the rest, since the Massive Subterranean Explosion (TM) that took place shortly afterwards prevented us from going back to find out. Meanwhile, the party's monk had stolen abovementioned drow warrior's Ancestral Sword, and they were playing chasies in the labyrinth.

Mission: Investigate the labyrinth.
Outcome: Party barbarian managed to trigger a nasty trap in an alchemical lab (see 'Massive Subterranean Explosion', above), while our new rogue, going for a shiny thing, teleported herself into the middle of the Big Bad Guy's lair. The rest of us had no choice but to follow...

Mission: Defeat the lich Senwith, our Recurring Adversary.
Outcome: Against all odds, we managed to defeat several dozen ogres, ogre mages, and Senwith himself in a close-fought and vicious battle (Neil turned the tide with creative use of a Folding Boat). Senwith was discorporated, and we took the time to loot and redecorate his lair. He reformed some days later, attacked Delros, was discorporated again, and we lost interest in him at that point because he'd probably learnt his lesson or something. There were noises about finding his phylactery and destroying it, but it was a long way away and we had things to do at home.

Mission: Retrieve the Magical McGuffins of Alignment. (Five artifacts embodying good, evil, law, chaos, and neutrality.)
Outcome: I think we got about two or three of them, gave them into the temple's keeping, and then got distracted.

Mission: Fight off an army of snake-men threatening Delros.
Outcome: Successful, despite the rest of us nixing the paladin's attempts at biological warfare. Not much of the city left to save by that point, but still, we had possession of the smouldering ruins.

Mission: Rid my parents' house of the dangerous plants that had grown up all over the garden.
Outcome: Plants killed, house set afire by paladin's careless use of incendiary weapons. Extinguished, mud tromped through house, drawers rifled through, my PC pushed to the brink of homicide. Yawning hole to the undercity discovered in parents' back yard.

Mission: After digging up the fabulous and apparently-ancient Dragonstone, whose inscription hinted at mysterious powers and the possibility of a silver dragon steed, paladin to carry out a quest that required carrying the stone to a different land.
Outcome: Paladin used blistering contact poison in attempt to separate the stone from its lawful owner, resulting in massive penance. Then deemed it 'too heavy to carry around', abandoned at temple. V. disappointing, since I had gone to a lot of trouble to mock up that stone.

Mission: Help a stone giant by recovering the belongings ogres had stolen from him.
Outcome: Got distracted, didn't find them.

Mission: Help a band of kobolds recover 'their' shinies from the large dragon who had just taken over their cave (which they had just acquired, along with said shinies, after the previous dragon got killed away from home).
Outcome: Dragon slain, kobolds already dead, no other claimants to shinies. 100% successful.

Mission: Go far, far away from Delros. (Suggested by grateful remaining residents of Delros.)
Outcome: Have accepted quest to seek an artifact called the Light of Heironeous, plane-hopping.

Mission: Save a floating city on the Plane of Water from running into a portal to the Plane of Fire.
Outcome: Successful, but only because the portal was downcurrent, so standing around arguing got us closer to our destination. On our way, we killed a giant magical crab, and the paladin wanted to drag its carcass back to the city (upcurrent, and it was two size categories bigger than the biggest of us) to see if we could get anything for it.

Mission: Find the Light of Heironeous.
Outcome: Contacts on Plane of Water have told us it's on one of the Lower Planes, and to seek information from Charon, the grim ferryman.

Mission: Travel to the River Styx and talk to Charon.
Outcome: Party members actively seeking out side quests. So far two want to go to the Upper Planes, one wants to go back to the Plane of Earth to get some mithril, and one wants to go to the Positive Energy Plane.

Is it just us, or do other groups have as bad a record for screwing up or just plain forgetting the things they're supposed to be doing?
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