caffeinated cheetah (eldritch_wizard) wrote in roleplayers,
caffeinated cheetah

joke script for Aberrant players

Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such blockbuster films as "Escape from Teregen Island" and "SuperCheese 4: The Arbitration of Peace," I'm here today to tell you a few things about novas. And what better way to tell you about novas then to take a stroll through nova central itself: the headquarters of Project Utopia!

Slider: Hello Troy.

Troy: Oh! Hello Slider, or do you mind if I call you Jennifer?

Slider: Not at all. I'm curious to know how I got my powers in the first place.

Troy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down Jennifer. I bet your brain is just chock full of questions about your special powers, but it all starts with that fragile little gland in the center of your brain the boys in white labcoats like to call the M-R node. *holds a small gland up to the camera* Theres a lot of wild speculation that the M-R node is activated through extreme torture or a near-death experience, but the truth of the matter is that nobody really knows what triggers the nodes activation. But, when the gland is ready *pops it into his mouth* mmm... it's time for some lucky baseline to join the ranks of Nova University.

Troy: Come on Jennifer, let's take a look at the nova training grounds, here at Project Utopia's New York headquarters.

Slider: Ohhh!

Troy: Here at Project Utopia we provide a safe and friendly environment where newly erupted novas can learn their capabilities away from the prying eyes of family members and the media. *Troy and Jennifer walk past novas levitating themselves on chairs, setting fire to history books, and juggling chainsaws* But don't let the private nature of Utopia fool you, there are plenty of support groups for dealing with your new powers and your interaction with fellow novas is always closely monitored to make sure you're happy and well cared for.

*They walk through a door off the training grounds accompanied by the sounds of crying and people arguing. Electricity noise sparks in the background as the camera pans down the length of the corridor to a nova leaving black scorch marks on the wall, apparently in a fit of rage.*

Troy: Uh oh, looks like one of those Teregen sympathizers showed up to cause trouble again.

*Caestus Pax flies across the screen and slams into the sparking nova. Both fly off camera as the screen pans back to Troy and Slider. The squelching noises of flesh being ripped apart is accompanied by the sparking noise ceasing abruptly. Slider seems visibly pale and shaken.*

Slider: Uhh, Mr. McClure? I have a friend who says novas shouldn't be forced to register with Project Utopia. Is he right?

Troy: Nooo, he's ignorant. You see your crazy friend will never get the help and guidance he needs if he doesn't register with Utopia. Besides, we're collectively helping to make the world in to a better place by eliminating war, disease, hunger, and poverty for baselines, in that order. Just ask Caestus Pax here.

*Caestus Pax walks by the camera and waves a thumbs up, tell-tale signs of blood still streak his arms*

Troy: He'll tell you that, some day all novas will be legally required to register with Project Utopia, and its really for their own good. *image of Caestus Pax shaking hands with president followed by clip of man dressed up as Leviathan being pushed into a police car with cattle prods* Since the discovery of the M-R node, baselines and novas fulfill a special role for one another that makes a beautiful symbiotic relationship.

Slider: That reminds me, the M-R node. I still don't know how I got my powers in the first place.

Troy: *laughs* It's too bad we're out of time Jennifer, or else I could tell you.

Slider: But...

*credits roll*

Lisa: *visibly angered* Ohhh, that didn't help at all.

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