The Viper Faction - Cure for Vampirism
From an original recipe by Bellinor
Duval, of House Diamecht
- 1 Wooden Stake (sharp)
- Consecrated vial of water (blessed by a representative of the deity of
- Small silver hand mirror
- Clove of garlic
- Bottle of good quality red wine.
- Small to medium size band of pitchfork / torch wielding local peasants.
- Ensure the daylight is fresh. This recipe has been known to fail if poor
quality light is used.
- Collect the remainder of the ingredients in a stylish off the shoulder
bag - Hessian is NOT an option no matter how many sequins you add.
- Check you look still look dazzling in the hand mirror.
Tip: Use the wooden stake to prop up the mirror leaving both hands free to
adjust your attire if required.
- Add a cup of wine to fortify the spirits.
- Take one rickety, horse drawn handsome cab (black) to the imposing
gothic, cliff-top castle of the Vampire. Be prepared for a traditionally bumpy
ride through a windswept forest.
(Note: For a truly authentic flavour, you may like to add a dash of
lightning, lashing rain and a wolf howl or two).
- Knock on the castle door and ask to see the Maaaaarster
- Allow the lackey to lead you to the Crypt and consume a glass of wine to
steady the hand.
- Knock politely on the coffin lid and wait patiently for the Vampire to
awake. Vampires are notoriously late risers.
(Note: Some 'new blood' vampires may not have had time cultivate an eerie
creek to their coffin lids - please feel free to add one vocally if you
- While consuming the remainder of the wine with the Vampire, engage them
in polite conversation. Suitable topics include; the weather, the
unavailability of virgins and grooming tips for werewolves.
- Allow the Vampire to simmer for 10 or 20 minutes until fully at ease.
- Hand him his eviction notice for breaking the terms and condition of his
lease - to-wit. Keeping of unlicensed wild animals (the aforementioned
werewolf), failing to keep the property in good order (the place looks like it
hasn^Òt been swept in decades) and the storage of noxious substances (Igor).
- Apply a sprinkling of the holy water to your forehead so it appears you
have been exerting yourself.
- Check you still look dazzling in the hand mirror.
- Meet your adoring public.
- Throw the garlic away
I was in an RPG chat room, and a character came in, when I looked at the profile it said that he was bitten by a vampire but then later on was 'cured' somebody else sent this to me.