May 2nd, 2002

more books

i found some more books that i'm supposed to get rid of that i forgot to list in the first post in my journal. More AD&D 2nd ed., a Mage book, and a World of Darkness book. the link takes you to the list in my journal.

Why gaming kinda sucks most of the time: The Players - Part 1

It's been a while since I posted here, even though I run the group. I figured I'd post something that would get a discussion going. So I've got a question for you all, however I suspect that it is going to cause a few of you to go for my throat. But when I created this group I included in the bio that you are allowed to complain about players, games, and the like. And I'm feeling fiesty, so I'm going for it. >:)

Here is my main issue with gaming: The players.

We're going to deal with the first aspect of why players ruin a game. Trolls. Now come with me because I'm going somewhere with all this.

I'm not talking about people who go onto boards and listservs, pick fights and usually say things like "J0 all Sux0r!" No, I'm talking about those scary players who have been a part of the group since the dawn of time. These are the people you know have never been laid, hell they've never even held hands. They are the people who, when we were pairing up for the school field trip in first grade, decided to sit in the corner and eat paste instead.

Let me give you an example of this type of player. Although, trolls come in both sexes, I'm going to use the pronoun "He." Sure, it's sexist but English doesn't have an abundance of unisex pronouns. He is usually involved in at least 5 games a week, often 7. He is usually found sporting a T-shirt sporting his favorite game/clan/Final Fantasy Character. His diet consists soley of mountain dew. He is unable to have conversations that don't involve what his character did last game. He uses game terms in everyday conversation, such as instead of saying "I tripped" he says "I botched my dex check." He can be found making characters for future games that don't even exist yet. If male this individual usually has a beard of such length that gandolf would cry, if female this individual usually is found sporting bride of frankenstein hair. Neither have any real concept of personal hygiene and have killed small forest animals merely by taking off their shoes. Usually you can't tell their age, they could be anywhere between 20 and 60, often looking about 20 years older than they actually are.

And here is the worst part of this type of player....

wait for it...

THEY SUCK! How is this possible? Someone who lives the game. Has no life outside of the game. And yet this person has no ability to roleplay. Don't get me wrong, they are often some of the best number crunchers in the world and can often make a 1st level character who could destroy the world if needs be, but they have no ability to actually roleplay. One would think that the sheer amount of practice they get would make them an asset to the troupe, instead they bring it down with them and their festering pile of Mountain Dew cans.

The other issue I have with gaming trolls is the fact that they perpetuate a horrible stereotype that I don't want to be involved in. I'm a fairly socially acceptable person. Some would call me a wild man. Some would call me a hottie. Some would call me a sex god. And some would be right. However, I have from time to time wanted to distance myself from a fairly enjoyable hobby because it is aggravating to be in close proximity to game trolls and it is even worse to be thought to be one of them. Call me socially shallow, but I really think that the reason that gaming has such a terrible reputation is due to the combined efforts of the gaming trolls and Jack Chick.

You can usually find them in packs at DnD games and LARPS. This is very annoying due to the fact that LARPs could be fun without having to deal with these morons. As for DnD, I've yet to see a DnD game that wasn't incredibly boring and filled with number crunching trolls.

So I ask you, the ~500 members of this group.

Am I the only one who has an issue with gaming trolls?

Coming soon: Why Stupid Players Suck

Why Players Suck Part 2: Dumbasses

This group often gets confused with Trolls. Trolls are always dumbasses, however dumbasses are not always trolls. Sometimes these mental retards are quite social, they are just about as moronic as a teen slash flick.

For those of you who ride the short bus, I'll give an example of a moronic player. Scott.

(Keep in mind I wasn't that good at storytelling yet, so I didn't know how to put a stop to him. Years of dealing with crap like this has made me much more efficient at taking care of idiots. Anyway, on with the story... afterwards I'll give a disertation on why stupid players suck and what needs to be done with them.)

Scott is someone who I had the misfortune of playing with about 4 years ago. We were playing Vampire and he decided to play a Tremere with Movement of the Mind. Fair nuff, right? Wrong.

Something happened and he was having issues with a particular part of the city, so he decided to climb a fire escape and get to the roof. Presumably so he could jump from roof to roof like The Tick. Anyway, this didn't happen because someone leaned out and shouted "What are you doing out there?" So scott shot her.

He never caught on to the fact that losing humanity is bad. Instead, he saw humanity as a hinderance and was trying to get rid of it as quickly as possible. It get worse.

Not wanting to remain at the scene of the crime, nor wanting to leave a body undrained (even though he had recently fed) he levitated her, climed down the fire escape, and proceeded to push her levitated body down the street like she was on a cart. You think it's bad huh? Nope, it's going to get much worse.

Well, this body has a gunshot wound to the head and is bleeding profusely all over the street. It didn't take long for someone to notice the blood, the body, and the levitation before all hell broke loose. Panicked, Scott wanted to get out of there quickly.

So what does our genius do? He jumped on the body and surfed it into the clouds.

He didn't live to see the morning. However, he completely ruined the mood and also annoyed me greatly.

I had another player, Eve, who thought it would be a great idea to mouth off to her Tzimisce grandsire, in Transylvania, in a dark ages transylvania game. She ended up as a chair and was surprised that I did that.


After dealing with too many stupid players to count I've come to a conclusion. Killing the character's doesn't solve anything. They just make more stupid characters. The solution is to kill the player. That makes the surviving players highly motivated to be intelligent. >:)

Why Players Suck Part 3: Sluts and the Men who Chase Them

Anyone who has A) gone to a con or B) been to a LARP knows exactly what I'm talking about here. I lovingly refer to these players as Tacoma Players, for Tacoma is the home for hoochie mama's and the men who love them. Anyway, back to gaming and sluts.

What is a slut?
A slut is female gamer who has NO ability roleplay, nor does she have any knowledge of the game system. Instead, she comes to game only to wear skimpy clothing and behave in the skankiest manner possible. These gamers exist because they can easily get a lot of attention from the sex starved and malformed male gamers who roam the halls of LARPs and Cons. These hideous beasts are known as The Men Who Chase Them.

How do I know I'm gaming with a slut?
First, look for vinyl. These girls LOVE vinyl and will wear it with more enthusiasm than a Frenchman going for a night at a brothel. They have yet to learn that vinyl is privaledge and not a right, so they often are wearing a lot of vinyl but shouldn't be.
Second, they are usually playing characters that have seduction x 5, sex appeal x 5 and every other 'fuck me' trait at 5. If you refuse to give into their seduction in RP, then they try to rock paper scissors you into falling in love with them.
Third, they touch you, sit on you, and shove their breasts in your face as much as possible.

Why do Sluts and the Men who Chase Them bring down a roleplaying game?
You would think that having a tramp and a bunch of sleaze bags at a game wouldn't affect RP but you'd be wrong. Suddenly the game turns from being interested to everyone clamouring into the girls pants. For some reason, character sex translates to out of character sex for these freaks and they think that if they're character gets laid, they'll get laid later on. Ugh. The other down side is that they bring friends. ::shudder:: Suddenly your Slut to RPer ratio drops sharply and you are surrounded by a bunch of vinyl clad britany spears wannabes. Believe me, you don't want this.

How do I deal with a Slut once I've contracted her?
If playing vampire, say the following words: "I'm dead. I have no sex drive. Fuck off."
If you are at a con, say "That sounds nice, but I should probably find my girlfriend... she was looking at swords and stuff last time I saw her. Wanna come look for her?"
If you are at a DnD game... QUIT! DnD sucks.
If you are in any other situation say "It isn't gonna work, better find someone else." But never ever ever say "I'm gay." Because more often than not, that encourages them.

What do I do if one of the Men Who Chases Them thinks I'm a Slut?
Wear less vinyl, give him a cold stare, and stay close to your boyfriend. Never ever ever ever say "I'm gay." Because more often than not, that encourages them.