Calysto du Masque (calysto) wrote in roleplayers,
Calysto du Masque

Hysterical to anyone who played D&D from the beginning

I play in a Mystara campaign group. We recently started playing a set of old characters we hadn't played in many years. Generally, in our campaign, I am known for two things:
  1. I usually play chivalrous, good-natured heroes
  2. I write detailed, full histories of my characters.
My character in the old group, a benevolent cleric named Jeanette, didn't have such a back-story yet. I usually come up with good ones so I said I would write one for her. And I will. But for now, instead, I wrote a fake back-story which I'm going to present as legit. If I can keep a straight face long enough.

The following story will be read at our next session:

Jeannette’s Story

Jeannette was born in the Brick-Top District of Specularum, Traladara. She was the daughter of a merchant family. She spent her time during her teen years split between acquiring an education and working in her family store.

She attended the Traladaran church with her family and felt drawn to the teachings of Zirchev. She decided to devote her life to his clerical order, and with the blessings of her family, she joined the seminary. After a year’s study she was ordained as an acolyte and began serving the congregation.

Time passed and she felt the call to adventure. She investigated some strange happenings in a remote cave. She met a young, wounded fighter in the cave. She called on Zirchev’s power to heal her new companion’s injury but she wasn’t sure of the fighter's story so she decided to use a pseudonym. She told him her name was Aleena.

They ventured on through the cave together. An evil magic user who had been hiding in a corner like a jerk ambushed them and launched a magic missile at her. She staggered from the impact but, to the cloaked attacker’s dismay, she did not quite fall.

She glared at the cloaked figure. His face grew ashen as she raised her mace. She hauled back and caved the bastard’s evil face in. He slumped to the ground, wearing a mace where his face should be. Her fighter companion’s expression changed from shock to fear as Jeanette stood over the crumpled corpse, wrenched her mace free, and yelled: “Suck it, Bargle!!”

She then proceeded to dance, shimmy, shake, and moonwalk back and forth as a dark red stain began seeping across the floor around the corpse. The fighter crept backwards away from the scene until he was out of the room. He ran out of the cave and decided to go back and work on his family’s farm.

Jeanette went on to do more stuff, blah blah blah, met up with the lords of wood and fire, blah blah, married, popped out a coupla kids.

The End.
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